Wow! I can’t believe how long it’s been since I posted! Hopefully I’ll get back to posting regularly now. 

Anyway, the UMass writing program ended up being really, really good. I met some nice people and got my piece critiqued and a received a lot of good advice on it. Everyone had such nice things to say, though, too, which made me feel really good about my writing and more confident about it. 

I really enjoyed the workshops. Though they were almost three hours long they seemed to go by really quickly. My three hour classes at Mount Holyoke, on the other hand, seem to take forever and drag and drag. I wanted to do this program largely to see if I would like doing an MFA, and I really liked the program, so I think I’d like doing an MFA, too. Now I just have to get in!

My workshop instructor at the program, at pretty well-known writer, said he’d be happy to write me a recommendation, which is so awesome. I was so afraid to ask him, but now I’m really glad that I did. I think it’ll look really good if I have a recommendation from a professional writer. Now I only need one more, because Cherrie’s going to write me one. (Yes, I can have her write me one. I don’t know if I’ve ever explained this, but Cherrie, who teaches at the local college, used to teach at my high school and I had her for high school English. That’s how we met and became friends. Anyway, I know it probably won’t look that good to have a high school teacher write my recommendation for grad school, but I know she’ll write a really, really good one, so I’m hoping that will make up for it.) I suppose I’ll ask one of my Mount Holyoke professors to write the third one. 

The idea of an MFA really does excite me. My top choice is still UNH because it’s close by and seems to have good funding (you can get a full tuition waiver plus a stipend for teaching or a scholarship, which basically means you can go there for free), but I’m trying to look at schools farther away, too. I’m looking into Hollins and George Mason in Virginia and Penn State, which offers everyone who’s accepted a tuition waiver and a stipend—can’t beat that! I’m still interested in Emerson and Sarah Lawrence, too, and will probably apply to a couple of low-residency programs just in case. Of course, MFA programs are so hard to get into, so I can’t get my hopes up too much. I just need to keep polishing my writing samples. 

I’ve been doing some reading for my senior thesis, which I’m also looking forward to. I had an epiphany of sorts recently about how I want to structure it. Instead of doing a completely linear memoir with chapters and whatnot, I think I’m going to write a series of essays that are connected but not necessarily totally linear. I’m really excited about it. I’ve already written a couple of essays, so I just need to keep polishing those. Overall I’d say I’m in pretty good shape for my thesis. 

Once I’m satisfied with “Briar Patch” (aka the NCTE piece) I’m going to start sending it to literary magazines. Hopefully I’ll be published somewhere, although I won’t get my hopes up too much because I know that it’s really hard to get published. I’ve found writing to be a really good coping skill and a way to get my mind off some of my obsessions. 

The weight thing is still killing me. I saw my ED specialist Tuesday, and, as expected, it was a difficult appointment. While I did not weigh as much as I did at my pediatrician’s a few weeks ago, I had still gained weight since the end of school, which is unacceptable. The doctor said that my body seems to have found a five pound range that it feels comfortable in, but that range is so high and disgusting to me that I can hardly stand it. I just don’t know what to do anymore. It just kills me to weigh this much, and the fact that I can’t lose weight makes me want to die even more. I just miss being skinny more than I can say and want to be sick again so badly. Luckily I have a great therapist who I can talk to, but it’s still so difficult. I’m not sure how much longer I can take this. 

I need to get working on my fanfics again. The next “Alphabet Challenge” drabble/one-shot has been half-written for a while, but I can’t think of a good ending for it. I also want to write the next chapter of “Always with You” soon (and I can’t forget about “Together,” which is a fan favorite for reasons I’ll never understand). I want to write some Haruka and Michiru fanfiction, too. I’ll try to finish the latest “Alphabet Challenge” piece tonight. 

I need to catch up on Pokémon, too; I haven’t watched the last two episodes. I’ve been thinking lately about how much I miss the old Pokémon. I mean, Ash, Misty, and Brock (and Ash, Misty, and Tracey, too) just worked so well together; I’m a big fan of the original trio. While I enjoy DP, it just doesn’t captivate me the way the original series did. Maybe that’s because I’m a big Misty fan and a Pokeshipper to boot, but I think it might be more than that. I don’t know.   I just need to keep waiting for a Misty cameo, although the odds of that happening seem slimmer and slimmer every day. 

Ugh, I’m so aggravated with AOL. If you’ve been following the news you may have seen that Courtney Love has been in it for being excessively skinny lately, and the other day (yesterday?) AOL listed her stats as  5’10” and 84 pounds, which would give her a BMI of 12.1. I’m sorry, but there’s no way that’s right. Sure, she looks overly skinny, but there’s no way she has a BMI of a twelve. Honestly, she looks a little bigger than I did at my lowest, and my lowest BMI was a fourteen. I hate how the news always underestimates the weights of celebrities; it drives me crazy. I’ve been in treatment with people who have had BMIs of twelve, and they looked way, way worse than Courtney Love.

I hung out with Mary-Kate yesterday, and we actually had a meaningful, nice conversation. I’m still not sure I’m ready to be all best friends again, though. I guess I’ll just have to take it slow.  

I guess that’s it. Happy July 4^th, everyone! :)